002. You're Not Broken, You're Carrying Way Too Much.

# 002. Return to Rhythm – You're not broken, you're carrying way too much.

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Welcome to Return to Rhythm, A sacred space for the woman who's been holding it all, but somewhere along the way stopped hearing herself. This is your invitation back into the quiet, back into your breath, back into the parts of you that never needed to prove, perform, or hold it all together. I'm Farrah Channel Inner Voice facilitator and emotional liberation guide.

I hold space for high functioning heart led women who've lost themselves in the giving to soften, to unravel, and to remember the truth buried beneath the busyness. Here we slow down, we ask better questions, we listen inward, and we begin again, not from pressure, but from presence. Each week you'll receive channeled meditations, truth transmissions, or sacred reflections designed to help you return [00:01:00] to your rhythm and rise in your own divine timing.

There's no rush here. There's just your truth waiting to be heard. Let's begin.

Hello. Hello. I am so excited to welcome you back to Return to Rhythm for our second episode together. If you are listening to this, there's a good chance you are probably tired and I am not talking about just the normal kind of tired. The tired that lives deep in your bones. And what does this tired stem from?

Where does it come from? [00:02:00] It comes from being the one that is carrying too much, being the one that is holding everything together. And from the outside it looks like everything is being held together so well. Things are going so great. Your children are thriving, or your relationship is thriving, or. Your career looks like it is the best that it could possibly be.

You are moving up the ladder and seeing results in that space, but inside you are exhausted. You know that thread that is holding everything together is the thinness of a spider web. And you know that any moment it could completely collapse.

All of this [00:03:00] tiredness comes from being the one that can anticipate the moods of everyone around you, being the one that feels like they have to fix everyone's emotions. Being the one that always holds the space for the other person, the one everybody comes to when there's something wrong, you're the one that tries to alleviate it or give suggestions.

But when you are the one who's ready to unravel, no one in your life has the capacity to give that back to you. So that means your cup is chronically running dry. And you're showing up and doing everything that you're quote unquote, supposed to be doing. You're packing all the lunches for your kids, or you are beating everybody to work first one there, last one out, or you're constantly overgiving [00:04:00] in your relationship and the other person is very avoidant and can't give the same things back to you that you're.

Actually needing in the relationship.

It looks like everything is okay on the surface. I know I've been there

and if anybody asks you, you say, oh, I'm good. Everything's so good. But inside you are just screaming. I just want someone to help me. I just want someone to hold me. I just want someone to hold everything so I can collapse on the floor and just let everything out. Because you feel like if you aren't the one there holding it all together.

That everything is going to fall apart

and you know, you really, truly want peace, [00:05:00] but it also feels so unfamiliar. It feels unsafe,

and it makes your system panic. Because when you sit in the stillness, you start to ask questions about, what am I doing all of this for? Who am I doing all of this for? Because somewhere along the line, you have lost yourself. If you have children, you know what that's like, especially if they're small.

It's all about the doing. I'm doing the laundry, I'm doing the dishes, I am feeding them. I'm packing lunches. I'm making toddler snacks. I'm cooking dinner. I have to manage the grocery list. I have to manage making sure the house is clean. Oh, did I make the doctor's appointments? Did I do this? Did I do that?

That is chronically running through your mental load, and it's like the computer is on the verge of just fritzing [00:06:00] out.

If you have a very high stress job, you're the one that is managing the projects. If it's anything like group projects in college, there's usually one or two people in the group that does all the work and the rest of 'em just coast by, like those are the vibes that I am imagining right now that my inner voice is giving me the vision of.

I have been in those jobs before. Especially if you are an efficient worker like me, you take on a lot of work because you can, because you're good at it and you care about it. You care deeply about the work that you're putting out. I know what that's like, but it seems like everyone else around you is okay with mediocrity, is okay with doing just enough to get by.

This is why you're so tired,

because there's never a moment where you are actually truly resting, releasing,

[00:07:00] letting go,

sitting in that stillness. It feels unsafe because you have placed your safety outside of yourself. You're leaning on someone else to provide that safety. You're leaning on the job. You're leaning on the relationship. You're leaning on the friendship to validate safety for you, but the safety needs to come from the body.

When we are constantly living from the to-do list, from all of the action based things in this world, it's very difficult to drop into the body and be in the beingness aspect of life

when we sit in the beingness. That's when truth comes online. And sometimes we don't want to face that because then we would have to take personal [00:08:00] responsibility for a lot of the things in our life. We would have to take personal responsibility for the things for letting other people be the priority.

Your kids, your coworkers, your bosses. Your husband, your partner, your friends.

It's really hard to be the strong one when you feel like inside you are literally hanging on by a thread.

And you have been practicing for years and years of what it looks like to put on that brave face, probably since you were a little kid, because your parents couldn't give you what you needed.

They did not have the emotional capacity to provide that safety net when you were little. That support when you were little to [00:09:00] truly hold you when you were little, that allowed you to feel, seen and heard, and give you the space where you could collapse, where you could hand it over and allow them to hold it for a little while so that you could fully be at peace.

That's probably not something that you have experienced in your life and you're so used to taking care of everyone else. Probably the eldest daughter like me, feeling like you had to make sure that your siblings were okay holding the weight of your parents because they grew up in traumatic experiences and.

They had no emotional capacity for actually being able to hold it for you,

and it's okay. Sometimes we just need to hear that it's okay because we're not hearing that from anyone else. It's okay to feel everything that you're [00:10:00] feeling. It's okay to feel like everything is too much right now because that's the case for a lot of people, especially with the current climate. I.

But just know that all of this invisible labor that you've been doing for all of this time, anticipating everybody's moods and emotions, trying to fix everybody's problems, being the strong one, that is not a flaw. It's just a survival pattern. It's just something that you have had to use too. Move through your life.

We all have them. We all hold these patterns, these narratives, these beliefs, these stories that constantly circulate

because our mind is trying to keep us safe.

It believes that if we control [00:11:00] the situation, then we're good. I,

it believes that if we just work harder, if we just try harder, if we just do things better. Everything will be okay, but your nervous system is fried, and if your body is hurting, if you have chronic pain, if you have chronic tension, if you are breaking down in the shower, because that's the only place that you can find to do that, to have a minute to do that, your nervous system is begging you to set something down.

To listen to quiet the noise.

There is probably tension in your chest. Feelings of anxiety when you walk into crowds.

You probably feel like you can't actually take a deep breath down into your belly

[00:12:00] because there's so much emotional tension that is living on your shoulders, in your heart space, in your head. That's not allowing you to drop down into the body to where the safety lives,

and you don't need more willpower. You don't need to keep pushing. You don't need to keep striving.

You need. Safety. You need a safe space where you have full permission to collapse, full permission to set everything down, full permission to stop carrying the weight of others.

Your nervous system has just been doing what it's been trained to [00:13:00] do.

It is trying to protect you and you perform and you try to be perfect. That's just your survival pattern. That is just your survival response. But I'm here to tell you there is another way.

There is another way.

Being the strong one isn't wrong, but it's probably become your only identity, and that's what is suffocating you.

The way you're showing up isn't wrong. It's not bad. It's just not sustainable. It is just a matter of asking yourself, how much longer do you want to keep going? Like this,

I started to realize that I was leaning significantly on my husband for safety. Because he was the first man [00:14:00] to ever make me feel safe. And that was at the age of 24, the very first man to make me feel safe and seen. I,

but at some point he started to struggle. He started to become depressed, sad. Overwhelmed. And when he was not the steady one anymore, the one that I was leaning on, then I started to waiver because if he's not safe, then I'm not safe. And that's what happens when we place that safety outside of ourselves.

If we are in a relationship and it falls apart and that safety has been placed outside of ourselves, that's what makes those situations so much harder when they fall apart. If you feel like your job is so secure and you lose it, if you've been there for years [00:15:00] and you get laid off like your yesterday's news and they don't care, you have put that security outside of yourself.

And that's what makes those situations so much harder to move through

because our ego has associated those things with safety, with security.

But when I was burnt out and he was struggling. Something had to give. I had to make a choice and I had to say, I have to put something down. I have to choose to do this differently because if I'm already managing everyone's emotions and my emotions are all over the place. How can I be the one to do that?

How can I be the right person to manage everyone else's expectations and emotions if mine are [00:16:00] so overwhelming? How am I supposed to manage being a mother that can show up for her children? If I walk into Costco and I feel like I am having a panic attack. How am I supposed to show up for them if I walk into their school for a performance and feel like I can't breathe?

Because I didn't enjoy my school experience growing up. So anytime I walked into a school, it would trigger me tremendously.

Those moments. Are whispers from your intuition, from your nervous system that is saying, Hey, can you see this red alarm that I am throwing up for you? Are you going to pay attention to it or are you gonna let this happen over and over again? There has to be a point where you decide to address it.

When you decide [00:17:00] I'm gonna choose me just for a little while and see what happens, because you already know what it's like the way you've been doing it. You already know what that's like. Are you willing to try something? New to see if things can soften, to see if there can be more ease to see. If I slowly set things down, is it going to fall apart?

And I can tell you right now, there may be things that quote, unquote fall apart, but they're gonna fall apart because they're not in alignment for you. They're no longer right for you, so they needed to fall away at some point. It's probably past the expiration date for it. You've just allowed it to continue

and you allow it to continue because it [00:18:00] feels safe. Sometimes the thing that isn't in alignment still can feel safe because it's comfortable. It's that known enemy type of thing.

It is possible to set these things down, soften them

to know that if you don't pack one lunch, it's not the end of the world to know that If you. Are vulnerable with your partner and say, I'm not happy. I am not happy, and you aren't providing me these things that I would like to have from you.

You are not showing up for me in the way that I need you to. It's okay to tell that friend, Hey, you've been pouring your heart out to me, and any time I pour my heart out to you, you change the subject and you can't be there for me. Maybe that friendship needs to expire. Maybe that friendship has run [00:19:00] its course and maybe they're not actually your friend.

What if nothing fell apart when you finally exhaled? What if you didn't need to hold it all? What if you handed some of this responsibility that you've been managing back to those people and they were grateful for it? Maybe they don't even recognize how burdened you are because you don't feel safe enough to speak your truth.

What if your peace did not require you to earn it? What if you didn't have to work so hard to earn it?

Those things are possible.

Had I not chosen to try a new way in that moment where [00:20:00] I could have just kept going and pushing forward until my body completely gave out on me, I would not be sitting here doing this today. I would not feel safe enough in my body to do this.

And I am not gonna say it was an easy path to get here, but it was so worth it because the way I feel now is incomparable. I was not living then. I was surviving. There is a huge difference between surviving and living in the present.

If you just feel. Like you need someone to hold it for you just for a little while so you can completely fall apart.

[00:21:00] That is what the Aurreal is here for. That is what I am here for.

So that all of that weight you are carrying. You can slowly set it down one by one, find your voice so you can speak your truth, so you can ask for what you need so you can give your body what it needs, what its craving, that softness, that ease that it is crying out for.

It is all entirely possible for you.

If you know in your body, if you have this gut feeling,

If you know it's time to go deeper. To not just pause, but fully reclaim who you are beneath the performing. [00:22:00] The wait list for Reclaim is open now. It's an eight week one-on-one journey with me by your side, where we're going to clean house, baby. We're going to clean out. All of that weight that you've been holding help you anchor into your voice, help you know what your true yes and your true no are in your body,

and so you can start walking the path of your truth, your unique blueprint. Without performing, reclaim is for you and I would so love to welcome you in.

The link to join the wait list is in the show notes, [00:23:00] so check it out if you're interested, and I'll see you in the next one.