006. That Invisible Load You Carry — It’s Finally Time to Set It Down

# 006. Return to Rhythm – That Invisible Load You Carry — It’s Finally Time to Set It Down

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Welcome to Return to Rhythm, A sacred space for the woman who's been holding it all, but somewhere along the way stopped hearing herself. This is your invitation back into the quiet, back into your breath, back into the parts of you that never needed to prove, perform, or hold it all together. I'm Farrah Channel Inner Voice facilitator and emotional liberation guide.

I hold space for high functioning heart led women who've lost themselves in the giving to soften, to unravel, and to remember the truth buried beneath the busyness. Here we slow down, we ask better questions, we listen inward, and we begin again, not from pressure, but from presence. Each week you'll receive channeled meditations, truth transmissions, or sacred reflections designed to help you return [00:01:00] to your rhythm and rise in your own divine timing.

There's no rush here. There's just your truth waiting to be heard. Let's begin.

Hello and welcome back to Return to Rhythm. I am so glad you're here with me today, and if you're new here, I am so happy to have you. Today's episode is going to focus on the mental load. It's for the women who can't explain why they're so exhausted, because it's not just what you're doing, it's what you're holding.

The invisible mental load. [00:02:00] It's the part of your life that doesn't show up on a calendar or on your to-do list, but it lives deep inside your nervous system. Let's talk about it. So I want to just name what the mental load is, especially for the peacekeepers, the over givers and the people pleasers. It's really not just about doing, it's not about everything on your to-do list and keeping up with everything and the grocery lists and the meal planning, and the household task like laundry, doing the dishes, making sure the house is clean in addition to all of the career focused tasks or child oriented things that you need to do.

There's so much of that's already on our mental load as women, but there's a secret part of the mental load that we don't really [00:03:00] know is there, and it's a remembering and anticipating it's the tracking and feeling for others. It's knowing when your partner walks in based on the way their footsteps sound or the breathing pattern, we are in tune with that and we brace for it.

We can anticipate the meltdown that's coming with the child. So we are in our nervous system already feeling it before it actually happens. It's the weight of. I'll just handle it because I know if the other person does it, there's going to be emotions that arise that I just don't want to deal with or don't have the capacity to deal with right now.

And feeling like we have to have some kind of control of the outcome because we are [00:04:00] constantly bracing and anticipating everything that is coming.

And the way this kind of shows up for people pleasers and peacekeepers. Is remembering everyone else's needs. You know exactly what the other person needs to remain stable, and you can anticipate that. So you are constantly preparing for whatever comes and know exactly how to handle it so that it doesn't explode.

It's predicting emotions. It's. Being able to sense when something is coming, so you try to soften the blow. It's trying to prevent problems before they happen and it's never feeling done.

You are always on guard. You are always [00:05:00] bracing. You are always anticipating. And. This can show up in the body in so many ways, not just in our minds. We can have a really tight chest and we can have shallow breath. We can have a low grade fatigue and tiredness. That's like always running in the background.

No matter what you do, whether you're eating perfectly, whether you're working out, whether you're going on walks, doing all of the self-care things, there can still be this. Constant fatigue because there's this invisible force within you that is always working, always anticipating, always ready for the next thing to come up.

And one of the ways this presented itself to me was. A few years ago where [00:06:00] I was struggling in my marriage. This is a no ill will toward my husband or any way he was handling things. We're in a much better place now, but at the time I was experiencing the marriage in this way and I was holding this invisible load that it was so hard for him to conceive.

He couldn't understand how much I was holding. Because to him, he was in the most emotionally stable relationship he had ever experienced in his life. So to him it was ideal. It was perfect because I was managing all of the emotional load so that it didn't get blown up, that there wasn't a lot of chaos, that there was a lot of emotional.

Stability. I was creating this environment where things weren't constantly changing. Things were pretty steady, but I was holding the [00:07:00] weight of this and holding the responsibility of his emotions and mine, anticipating his emotions and keeping all of mine in, and being at the point where I could recognize that was so important.

Because once I was able to see it, I could address it. I could actually speak my truth and say, Hey, I feel like I am holding it all. Even though it doesn't look like there's any physical work being done, I'm at the point where I am completely burnt out and exhausted, and I just can't do this anymore. My nervous system is completely taxed and there's no way that I can sustain this, and this isn't fulfilling for me.

But it's the role that I had taken on at such an early age of anticipating others' needs and emotions and all of those things growing up that I [00:08:00] silenced mine. I silenced myself to anticipate others. I pleased others and put myself on the back burner. I put on the mask and really. Was living a life that wasn't my own.

Once I understood what was going on and the dynamics that were at play, I could hand the emotional responsibility that was his back to him to take ownership of so that he could address the things within himself so that I was no longer bearing that load. It was no longer solely my responsibility to carry that.

And I can tell you now that it definitely showed up in my body in those ways, feeling like you can't take a breath all the way down into your diaphragm, where it [00:09:00] stays really high in your body, in your chest. And always feeling tired. I was lifting weights, I was eating healthy. It didn't matter. I was always, I always had this depleted feeling.

I was pouring supplements into myself and still felt so tired on this level. That was inexplicable. I'm taking all of the collagen, I am taking, you know, all of the multivitamins and fueling myself with these nutrient dense smoothies and all of these things. But if you're not addressing things on an energetic level, if you're not going into the emotional depth of things and into the patterns and into the daily rhythms that are there.

There's not going to be any supplement or any workout routine or any amount of movement that is going to actually make [00:10:00] that change. It's really looking at things from the energetic perspective and the load that we're carrying that is often unnoticed, unseen. And I also want to address that. It's so deeply rooted.

Into our society as well. It's expected of a lot of women to do this work, to have this role of the peacekeeper, of the caregiver, of the people pleaser. We are told to serve others before serving ourself and serving ourself is selfish. We're a bad person if we do something for ourselves and we have to work really hard to earn that spa day or get that massage right, we don't deserve that, but that's inherently not true.[00:11:00]

When we actually hand this responsibility back to people themselves that should own it. When we hand this responsibility back to others, the weight that we've been carrying that is theirs. What we're actually doing is restoring balance, because if we are saying yes to things and holding things that aren't ours.

We are out of balance If we are saying yes to something, when it's out of alignment, it's creating disharmony because when we can say no, and it's a true no, that means it's a true no for the other person as well. So we're creating these situations and these environments and these. Whole life experiences around something that is out of balance.

And that is why we feel [00:12:00] so depleted and so drained and that's what makes the the to-do lists and all of the things that are on our physical load. Of like the housekeeping and all of those types of things nourishing our bodies, and that's what is making that stuff feel so much harder is because we have this invisible force running in the background underneath it all.

So it's really important to recognize where that is showing up in your life. Can you step back and become the observer and see where this is happening in your life? Are you bracing for those moments when you walk into a meeting and your manager, you can tell by their breathing pattern what kind of meeting it's gonna be and the way they walk in and their energetic body language.

Are you bracing [00:13:00] for those things? Can you tell when your partner comes home from work or comes home from an activity what type of mood they're gonna be in? Are you preparing yourself for what unfolds after that? And ask yourself, is what I'm doing actually in alignment for me in these situations?

What is it bringing up in my nervous system? What is it making me feel inside when I'm having to confront these emotional situations in my life?

How is it making me feel and is there something within me that I need to look at, that I need to process, that I need to feel so I can show up in this situation from a more aligned, more balanced, more grounded place? Rather than from a reactionary place, a [00:14:00] peacekeeping place, it is possible to shift these patterns, but we just have to be willing to look at it.

And so right now, I want to give you a moment to reflect, a moment to take a breath with me and see if you can notice where in your life you are running this program, this silent program in the background of being hyper aware, constantly managing everything. The silent work that goes on behind the scenes.

So in this moment, I just want you to take a few breaths with me and through the nose, and out through the mouth. Really just settle into the [00:15:00] body and through the nose, out through the mouth.

Notice if there's any tightness in your chest and through the nose, out through the mouth.

Notice if there's knots in your stomach. Notice if there's tension in your upper shoulders and your neck and your forehead. Any of these places where we keep this tension,

and I want you to ask yourself in this moment, who are you constantly scanning for in your life?

Is it your partner? Is it your children? Is it your boss, your friends, your parents? [00:16:00] Where are you bracing before the impact? Where are you managing the emotional load? Just breathe and listen, and through the nose and out through the mouth.

What aren't you saying no to that your body is already screaming about? Where is your body telling you? No, but you are saying yes. Breathe in through the nose. And out through the mouth,

can you allow those feelings to come to the surface? Right now, [00:17:00] it is safe for them to come forward. It is safe for them to be seen. It is safe to stop bracing.

Breathe. And through the nose, and out through the mouth,

and notice

whatever comes forward right now is safe and ready.

Your body is letting you know that it's ready to let go of whatever's coming forward.

That it can no longer hold what has been ready to go,

that it's time to let it be seen, to show love to it, [00:18:00] to show that part of yourself that it's okay to stop doing this silent work.

It's okay to hand that back. To the rightful owners. Your only job is to love you and hold you and honor you.

We are just replenishing your cup right now. We are refilling it, so just allow whatever is ready to move, to move. If the body wants to shake, let it. If you need to scream, belt it out.

If you are in your [00:19:00] car, that is the best place to let out a scream because no one can hear you. So if you're listening to this, driving down the road, let it out. Scream all that, all of the sounds that you have silenced, let it out. That resentment that you've been holding for doing this silent work, it can go.

All of those feelings that have been buried,

just allow them.

Show them some love. Tell them you're ready.

Just breathe in and out.[00:20:00]

Notice the tightness in your chest softening.

Notice the tension easing.

Notice that, just acknowledging that those emotions are there, gives them permission to soften.

They just want to be seen. They just want to be witnessed, and they just want to be felt. It's just energy that wants to move. So just breathe in and out.

You are safe, you are held, you are loved.

I am so proud of you for just taking a few moments to breathe [00:21:00] and listen to your body. It's such an important practice to integrate into our lives, especially ones of us who see ourselves as the ones who always say yes and hold it all because we have to let that energy go somehow. It can't all be contained within us forever.

It must move.

And as we move forward, there's a couple other things that I want to bring up around this topic of the invisible mental load. And I really wanna talk about what holding all of this is costing you. Because I think it's important to see it from that lens. One of the most important things that it's costing [00:22:00] you is the loss of being connected to your inner voice and being disconnected from your body.

If you are in a state of hyper awareness and always being on guard, you're not giving yourself these opportunities to really tune inward, to really go within and. Listen to that part of yourself that wants to be heard,

and it's also so important to recognize how much resentment builds up over time from doing this work. I have noticed that in myself a lot. So much resentment towards my parents for. Making me carry so much from such a young age because they couldn't manage their emotions. So much resentment towards my husband because I felt like I was doing it all, even though I probably wasn't doing it all.

But the part that was doing so [00:23:00] much was this invisible part that was carrying the mental load behind the scenes, the caretaking, the overgiving. The peacekeeping

and it's okay to feel resentful because majority of the time, if this is our standard operating way of being, we've been doing this a long time and we've learned to do it from such a young age, we do get tired of carrying it. Of course we're gonna be resentful.

I also wanna bring up that people are loving us for this mask that we're wearing and not for our true being. They love us because we are the one that they can depend on. We are the one that they can always go to because we'll just take care of it. [00:24:00] Right? We'll just handle it because. That's what we do.

We just handle it. And then when you stop performing, when you stop people pleasing, there's going to be resentment from their side because, oh my gosh, we've handed that responsibility back to them. And they don't like it. They don't want it, they don't want to face. What they've handed over to us silently for years, and we have to be okay with that and not own their feelings.

We cannot control how other people feel. The only thing that is in our control is how we feel, how we show up. [00:25:00] How in tune with our nervous system we are. How connected to our inner being we are.

We get to control that, but we can't control how others respond.

The world benefits in a way. When you pull back, right? When you shrink,

they get off scot-free and we're sitting back here resentful because we're carrying this invisible weight and it really hurts because nobody can truly see it. We know it's there running in the background. There's part of us that knows it's there.

And it hurts because we're still just showing up and doing the thing and people pleasing and peacekeeping and making sure everyone else is taken care [00:26:00] of and you feel like they're just coasting along and we are silently suffering.

But it doesn't always have to be that way. I want you to take a moment to reflect. We're not gonna do another breathing exercise, but it's just a question, just a moment to reflect who are you still trying to keep comfortable at the cost of your own peace.

Can you take a moment and sit with that question, and if you can't do it right now, that's okay. You can come back to it later. Maybe jot it down. Who are you still trying to keep comfortable at the cost of your own peace?

That's a good question to really. Journal [00:27:00] on and sit with, then be with and see what comes forward because the truth is always there if we're willing to listen to it.

And there's just a few more things I wanna bring up right now. I mentioned a moment ago that it doesn't always have to be this way. There can be a different way of living. And it really doesn't have to start with quitting your life. You don't have to quit your job, quit your relationship, quit everything.

You just need to start hearing yourself again, tuning in and listening because there's a part of you that's been wanting to speak for so long, but the hypervigilance and the bracing and. Peacekeeping. It's keeping that at bay, and you can totally give [00:28:00] yourself permission to not be the one that holds it all anymore.

That pattern has existed for majority of your life, but you know what? It doesn't have to be the pattern for the rest of your life. You can always choose something different. It's just about making. The choice and moving,

Your inner voice is going to let you know what you need to hear, what you need to do, how you need to move forward. But in the beginning, it's not gonna shout. It's going to whisper, it's going to nudge, it's going to give you breadcrumbs. But it's really up to you to follow them, to listen to them.

And when you begin to listen to it, you finally get to reclaim [00:29:00] your yes, your no and your enoughness you'll add will actually remember what those feel like in your body.

It's something that you can tune. Into if you're willing,

and just remember that you're allowed to let it go. You're allowed to let this invisible load go

if you can let it go. It softens so many areas of your life. It makes showing up for the day to day so much lighter. So much easier, so much more aligned, and so much more grounded.

Just take a moment to pause and breathe. How much are you [00:30:00] pausing and breathing in your daily life right now?

Or are you overthinking everything? Preparing? Bracing, holding tensing.

Just breathe just for a moment.

The breath is the key that unlocks everything. It's so simple. We have literally been walking around with this key in our pocket our whole life, and we don't know how powerful it is. It is the key that unlocks everything and it's free. We just have to acknowledge it and use it to our advantage.[00:31:00]

It's how we tap into our life force. It's how we tap into our truth. It's how we let go of the things that we no longer need. It's how we bring our bodies back into a calm regulated state. It's such a powerful tool, and it's just our breath. It's so simple.

A lot of the topics that I've brought up today, a lot of the things around the mental load and the people pleasing and peacekeeping, these are the reasons that I created reclaim. Because I don't feel like any woman should have to carry what was never hers, just to be seen as good or loving or strong, [00:32:00] reclaim as my one-on-one sanctuary for women ready to come home to their truth and not perform it.

If your body felt seen in this episode, if there's something that's softened within you, I would love to invite you into that space. The link is in the show notes and the wait list is still open, and you are so welcome there. And if this doesn't sound like you, but it sounds like somebody you love, somebody you know that you're deeply connected to and you feel like they're carrying too much, I would invite you to share this with them and invite them and to reclaim, because maybe you are the bridge.

For them for their next chapter. You don't have to keep explaining why you're tired anymore. You can stop carrying what was never yours. I'll see you in the next one.

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